


For the Sake of Duty

by LadyAttie



Category: 12th Century CE RPF, British Royalty RPF, Historical RPF
Genre: 12th Century, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Civil War, Cousin Incest, F/M, Family Drama, Forbidden Love, Non-Canon Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:57:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAttie/pseuds/LadyAttie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God planned for me to rule. Use your common sense, Matilda; none of the barons would accept a sole female ruler and an Angevin husband.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Sake of Duty

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by athenares' fic _My Sweetest Downfall_ from FanFiction.NET.

My dearest Matilda,

I must be foolish to write such a letter as I am now a prisoner chained under you, but do not worry of ever receiving this because you never shall. But I need to jot down my thoughts because you do not understand at all; how I wish you would. Your obstinacy will cost so much. The claim for the crown was my destiny, not yours. Who would have known our love would doom us in a civil war battling for the throne of England.

Matilda, _ma_ _belle_ , I do love you and I can never deny this; even I cannot deny the passion we have shared between us. By God's birth, Fate must hate us; is it not true we were supposed to be meant as true lovers? But I cannot deny I hate you too; I hate you for taking my rightful place for the throne. How dare your father would nominate you his successor. He was clearly foolish to do so. A woman to rule England and Normandy? Did he not think of the fatal consequences?

I still remember the first time we have crossed paths, Matilda. My mother had sent me to England to fulfill for a high position in Court. You were only four years of age and I seven. You were timid when you met my eyes with your grey ones. But you turned out to be playful and willy. And wild too. I found your outright character very intriguing; a little girl already full of passion and prepared for excitement. We grew close as the months and years passed, and I grew to love England because of you.

The day when you had left England for your betrothal to the Holy Roman Emperor, I was absolutely devastated. Who else would I enjoy hunting with, telling stories of the Conqueror and the Crusades, teaching you how to read? You knew I was also close to your half-brother Robert, Brian FitzCount and the de Beaumont twins, but for a long time I had felt empty and lonely without you. I had masked my emotions around Brian and the twins but only Robert understood my despondency. As time eased the pain I always had prayed nightly you were doing well in Germany as an Empress... and never had forgotten of me.

Years had passed as I rose to even more favour under your father; I was bestowed the lands of the Mortain county. To continue the Saxon and Norman ties I was married to your mother's niece, Matilda, Countess of Boulogne. Very amusing how you two share the same name and are cousins too. I supposed we were quite content as a lovely pair but somehow, many a time whenever I had said my wife's name I would say it with longing. I was one of the richest men among England at the time but I had felt so empty. Deep inside I could not help but long for the curly russet hair, the grey eyes, the silliness, enthusiasm; the headstrong behavior - you.

Then your husband died and King Henry summoned you return home. We crossed paths again and was shocked to see how much you had grown. You blossomed into a beautiful, heart-striking young woman with an elegant carriage still maintaining the same frisky spirit I had known. Of course, you were delighted to see me again and saw how I had grown too. What made me happier was you had never forgotten me. When I listened to your stories of your adventures from the Empire in that melodious voice and looked at me solemnly with those alluring grey eyes, I found myself lusting for you. I must had been mad because we are first cousins and having carnal relations within the familial could have been treason.

But I could not help myself and I found you feeling the same way. We occasionally met and shared our passions alone in the woods while hunting. We were so hungry for each other; hot and greedy for your touch. By God's birth you were - and are - more beautiful than my wildest imaginations. The feel of your silky skin and those lovely breasts took my breath away, the curves your body intertwined in mine as they we were meant to be matched. When you finally admitted you loved me, I was astonished. I thought back to how miserable I would had been when you left for Germany and how much I had longed for your presence; I must have loved you all along - from the time you were a little girl. I love everything about you, Matilda: your intelligence, your beauty, your strong will, those haunting grey eyes... I truly do love you, my dearest... but this is just entirely unfair.

I hated your father for choosing you over me. I hate you for choosing the throne over me. How could you do this to me, Matilda? The day before you were to return to your second husband, I was prepared to sacrifice everything for you, eloping to Blois to live in peace and raise a handspan of children. But no, you had left me for that arrogant Geoffrey; leaving my bed to his! Oh how I wish we had never met, never fell in love, never shared liaisons. You give me so much misery, pain and tears. You expected me to serve you faithfully. For the sake of duty so you say? Sweet Cousin, I am no woman's slave. And the crown did not belong to you anyhow, it belonged to _me_. Never forget I am a grandson of William the Conqueror. _I_ was destined to rule.

God planned for me to rule. Use your common sense, Matilda; none of the barons would accept a sole female ruler and an Angevin husband. How I wish we were able to marry and we could have perhaps ruled together. Your young son Henry would have been mine. We would have ruled an empire. But the only way I can fulfill these wildest thoughts are in my dreams. No matter how much I adore you, no matter how I wish for events to be different, I have to do what is right. I thought you knew better. Whether you now despise me forever for this, whether you now see me as a foolish bastard, whether you have me imprisoned, you cannot stop me from reaching the throne. It is my throne, and I am living proof I can continue the lion of justice King Henry had done.

You shall pay for this grave mistake of imprisoning me, _Cousin_.

~ Stephen


End file.
